Shaving Some Time Off My Shower

Today with the help of my mom, my boyfriend Ryan, Mary Rose, a new but dear friend of mine, and Pastor Brent, the pastor of the church we’re attending while in Michigan, I ceremonially shaved off the remaining hair on my head. It was not as shocking as I thought it would be. The shocking days were the days preceding it when I woke up to find my pillow laden with hair, pulling it out because it was stringy and loose and falling out slowly, or messing with it after showering.

waking up to find my hair falling out - DAY 1

I knew it was bound to happen, but didn’t think it would happen this soon, nor as I discovered late last night, this fast.

My oncologist was shocked to see during my last appointment that my hair had not started to fall out, but he knew it would soon. I was hoping he was wrong, and I would be one the few that were not affected.

hair loss; different view - DAY 1

Sadly, I was wrong. But now that I think about it, it’s good that my hair is falling out! (I know right? How could I say that and really mean it?! But it’s true!) My hair is falling out because the chemotherapy targets rapidly dividing cells. Cancer cells are rapidly dividing cells. Hair cells also rapidly dividing, which is why most chemo patients lose their hair, although it also depends on the chemotherapy drug that is being used on them. Some drugs  target differently than others. The drugs that I am on target any rapidly dividing cells, including white blood cells and specifically hair cells. I first knew that the chemo was working when (sadly) my blood count was low, lower than it had ever been, and again when my hair had started falling out. So really and truly, it was a blessing from God that my hair was falling out. He used it as a sign, not only to me, but to everyone else that this chemo is working, because if it wasn’t, my hair wouldn’t be falling out, thus it wouldn’t be targeting my cancer cells.

after blow drying my hair, this much came out

During church my mom made an announcement that anyone who wanted to watch me get my hair shaved was welcome to come. Although it was raining and we planned to do it outside, we did it inside instead. We set up the recorder (as this is a big thing to do and it must be recorded), and I FaceTimed my dad, as my mom got to work on my head (pictures and video soon to come on Facebook®).

First it was removing all the hair, then it was buzzing it, then it was getting my hair – or rather head – wet and putting some cream rinse onto it to soften up my head, rinsing the cream rinse off, putting shaving cream on my head and shaving the rest off. Clean head, apply more shaving cream and re-shave with a clean blade to remove all the stray hair. Rinse head and dry. Remove all the water that decided, since I had no hair, to go all into my ears.

letting the birds make a nest with my hair

Next, we gathered up all my hair, and ceremonially threw it up to the birds to use for nests.

Here comes the best part of all. Mary Rose, who is the same friend that I talked about in a previous post about raising money and shaving her head - hair that was down to her waist nonetheless - stepped up to the line and had my mom shave her head (again)! I partook in this, being the one to shave the first part of her hair off, and my mom proceeded to buzz and clean shave her head. It was so touching to see her do this for me, someone who she had never met before, but talked to through Facebook Messenger®. Next we picked up her hair as well, and tossed it to the birds, offering them a bit more fluff for their nests than just my stringy hair.  

POSTSHAVING MY HEAD

PRE SHAVING MY HEAD

Port to Port

Tuesday, September 24, 2013 early that morning I arrived at the hospital, on time, then getting lost throughout the hospital for a good 30 minutes; finally my mom and I arrived at the IR to get a port put in me. First of all, I was terrified to even get a port to begin with. After talking to the nurse that would accompany me through the procedure and then the surgeon that would perform the procedure, I relaxed a bit more. Not only did I need to have the port put in, due to being, how I call it, stabbed, in the arm 4 days in a row for my chemo a week and a half before, and having a massive bruise, that to this day has yet to go away fully, I decided that I could do this. The surgeon showed me what I would be getting, what it would look like, how the procedure would be, and everything else to do with a port. So off I went, into the procedure room, all hooked up to an IV, a blood pressure cuff that would go off every 5 minutes or so, and a heart monitor on my finger, into the twilight zone I headed. The procedure was so easy!

During the procedure I was able to talk, and listen to my music, as long as I was sitting still with my head turned to the left. I felt the pinch of the needle of the Novocain numbing the area that they would put the port in, but afterwards I didn’t feel a thing! Almost at the end of the procedure, I asked - because being twilighted makes you forget how much time has passed – if they had already cut me open and put my port in, and the surgeon looked at me, kind of laughed and said that she was stitching me up and we were just about done!

Another benefit, compared to having my TACE procedures and my biopsy, instead of having to lay flat for 2 hours and waiting at least an hour to eat or drink anything, with the port procedure I didn’t have to lay flat and I could eat immediately. I actually left within 15-20 minutes after having my procedure finish!

There is one downside to the port, not because of the procedure or anything, but because of myself. I am so skinny now, with very little skin covering my body that the port sticks out like a sore thumb. If I had a shirt that revealed my port, you’d wonder what it was. The triangular port itself and the catheter that leads to the artery/vein that they use for the port stick out in my skin. Now my skin has started to relax and part of my catheter is a bit more hidden, in the middle of it all, but the top of the catheter and the port itself stay prominent.

My port the day after the procedure before the steri strips came off naturally (top left), and my port after all the steri strips came off (bottom left). As you can see in the second picture, the catheter is starting to blend a little bit more into my skin in the middle!

Weathering the Chemo - Week 2

Week 2 after Chemo:

This last week has been better! A lot better! I have had the energy to go out with my mom when she would run errands, granted, I wasn’t following her into the store,  I was at least getting up and getting out of the house, and by mid-week, I was starting to go out. Ryan, my boyfriend, would come over every Tuesday and Thursday, and sometimes Saturday’s, and last Saturday, the end of my first week, beginning of my second week, we actually went out for dinner. I’ve been seeing my energy return more and more each day. This past Wednesday, my mom and I took Evelyn, my niece, to a park for her to play, and what do I end up doing, playing right along with her; going down slides, climbing up the play sets, swinging on monkey bars, etc. It is such a blessing that God has kept me healthy and given me the energy each day to do something new! Tuesday, I even had enough energy to help my sister move some things, lift and carry, and put things away; all within my means, not overdoing it of course.

But the fact that God has only given me tiredness that first week is a miracle and blessing that I can’t ignore or hide!

The only downside to having my chemo, now that my energy level is up, is that, as predicted, due to one of my chemo drugs, my hair is, at first slowing, but now more rapidly in large amounts, starting to fall out.

This experience hasn’t been the best one, obviously, because losing one’s hair, especially for a woman, is like taking away a part of her. I know my hair will grow back, and people have told me time and time again that even bald, I’ll look gorgeous. And I do believe what they’re saying, but when I can make 3 small bird nests for birds each day, it gets a little upsetting; but I know that God is bigger than this, my hair will return, and it means that the chemo is working, as it is targeted at rapidly dividing cells, such as hair.

My next chemo treatment will be October 14 – 17. I hope to weather this next round a bit better, hoping that since this past one was my fist, this will be a walk in the park, and hopefully, I can start to get back to a normal-ish life.

Weathering the Chemo - Week 1

As most, if not all of you know, I had my first chemo week September 17-20. Since then, it has been 2 full weeks after my last day of chemo. Here's an update on how I've been weathering the chemo.

Week 1 after Chemo:

This first week was pretty rough. Saturday, September 21 - Wednesday, September 25 were my 'bad days'. And when I say my bad days, I mean that I was getting up around 8-9am, going down stairs to the family room, plopping on the couch and just lying there, half in oblivion, half paying attention to what was on the T.V. The positive outcome during this was I didn’t really lose my appetite like most people told me would most likely happen. That in itself is a HUGE blessing! The fact that I still was hungry for breakfast was wonderful. After breakfast, I would continue to lay there, and around 12, I would either fall asleep on the couch, or muster up enough energy to walk back up the stairs to my bedroom and take a nap. When I first started taking naps, they varied around 3- 3-1/2 hour long naps, but as the week went by, they ended up being only about an hour and a half, at the most. Then I would get up, have pain in my stomach from sleeping sooo much and not eating lunch, so I would either have mom make me something, or if I could, I would get something to eat and return back to the couch. The couch was my hub for the entire day, besides my bed for napping and actually sleeping. I also was required to consume a lot of water, making me get up about every half hour and flush all the fluids out. Then came dinner, mom would always make it for me, and just let me know when it was ready. I would find enough energy to take the 10, if that, steps to the table and join her for dinner. Then I would watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!, then following that, around 9pm, I would hit the sack. The only problem with sleeping was that since I had ingested so much water, I was waking up in the middle of the night to head back to the bathroom….it wasn’t the most pleasant experience ever. Although, I can say, I barely experienced the nausea that the doctors claimed I would have, never threw up, was a little restless due to my anti-nausea medicine, was extremely exhausted day and night with no energy to do really anything; that just about sums up my first week. I was just extremely tired the entire time, but my naps would get shorter, and I was slowly staying up later and I could see my energy returning, very little energy, but energy nonetheless. By the end of the week, that Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I felt almost back to normal again, as the tiredness was slowly slipping away day by day and hour by hour.