Am I okay, really?

Over a coffee with a very dear friend of mine, who is practically my younger sister, we were trying to figure out some topics that I could blog and talk about and she finally came up with, ‘Why I’m so okay with having cancer,’ and she was so boggled as to why from the very beginning as to why I really was okay with having cancer. Her exact reply to me always being okay with cancer was, 'I was really pissed.' Early after being healed for a few months, I shared my testimony with my college group back in New York, and later at the night service of our church. As I was running by what I was going to say to a friend of mine, without thinking about what I was specifically saying, I spat out, “I’m okay with having cancer,” and continued with my testimony and my friend stopped me and had me repeat what I said and go into further explanation of what I meant. Not only am I okay with having cancer, but I’m perfectly fine with having cancer. And having this come back so aggressively, so soon, is a test from God asking me if I truly am okay with this. And I am. Yes it’s hard having cancer, yes it’s frustrating, and discouraging and a disappointment getting upsetting news, but first of all, I know that God won’t give me something that is too much for me to handle, and second, I know that I am strong enough, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to face this. Yes, I may have cancer, but my liver, as a whole, functions correctly. My liver isn’t scarred, or has hepatitis or cirrhosis or anything that is harmful, it works just like it’s supposed to; it just has tumors inside of it. My dear friend that thought of this specific post idea told me that she was so frustrated and confused with why I was okay with having cancer. There are multiple reasons why I’m okay with having cancer, yes, because I’m strong enough, but mainly, it’s because I know that this is part of God’s big plan, not only for me, but for everyone around me, and that even if I have to go through all this, yes, I have people I can lean on and rely on, but I have God always. If my mom is sleeping and I don’t want to wake her, or she’s out or my friends can’t talk at the moment, I always have God who will listen with an open and understanding ear. I also know that even if I am not healed of this disease here on earth, I know, through all my heart and mind, that I am healed in Heaven, to His perfection, just how He wanted it to be.