My Playlist

Everyone has playlists on their iPods, iPhones, etc. And so do I. I have many playlists; country music, a specific few albums, Christian music, movie album music, new music, purchased music, and a playlist called TACE, for my TACE procedures that I had in June and July. I have a new added playlist, called ‘Cancer’.

Here is the list of the songs in my list and the reasons why I have added them.

NOTE: All of these songs, except for no. 1, are all specifically about cancer

No. 1 – Iridescent by Linkin Park

I chose this song because my friend, a senior at this time, was in dance and was preparing a senior solo. I originally thought she was doing a song that she fell in love with the previous year, but she told me changed it and told me she was dedicating it for me. It touched my heart and has great meaning for me, especially when it says, ‘In a burst of light that blinded every angel / As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars / You felt the gravity of tempered grace.’ And after I received the latest news about my tumors inside and outside of my liver, this part of the lyrics described exactly how I felt, ‘Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? / You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known.’

No. 2 – Fight Like a Girl by Bomshel

This song has great meaning to me, not only because it is a song specifically about cancer, and to a woman, but it talks about a woman fighting from a very young age and her mother giving her advice to be strong and fight for what she believes in; this song describes me as a young girl. The part that says, ‘When te doctor said, the cancer spread,’ it reminds me of when my doctor jut recently told me that my cancer metastasized not only in my liver, but also outside of my liver. Then later in the same verse it says, ‘And says, this is just another test God gave me,’ it makes me think about God testing me asking if I really am ok with having cancer, asking me, ‘are you really okay with having caner? Really? Or are you just putting on a face for the world?’

No. 3 – Tough by Craig Morgan

This song is in the perspective of a man looking at his wife, and women as a whole saying that they are tough, and he now that he sees what women do and put up with, he realizes that they are so strong and tough. ‘No room for fear, full of faith / Hands held high singing Amazing Grace / Never once complained, refusing to give up.’ This is the mentality that I’ve had really though this whole thing. I’m honestly not scared, because I know this is how it is supposed to be. God didn’t give me this, He didn’t simply let it happen and ‘ruin’ my life, He’s using it to make me stronger, draw me closer to Him and shine His light through it all.

No. 4 – Save You by Simple Plan

This song was told me by my same friend that dedicated her senior solo song, Iridescent by Linkin Park, and at first, I thought she was talking about a completely different topic rather than me, and she then told me it was how she felt about me and having cancer and when I re-listened to the song and the part, ‘You’ll never know the way it tears me up inside to you see / I wish I could tell you something / To take it all away.’ When I found out why the song was written and it was written about Pierre Bouvier’s brother’s battle with cancer. He talks about how his brother went through a two year battle with cancer and he went through numerous chemo treatments, along with a bone marrow transplant and how he (Pierre) felt powerless in throughout the entire situation.

No. 5 – The Remedy (I Won’t Worry) Jason Mraz

I added this song to this playlist after I originally found out that the report didn’t look too good, even though we didn’t have the full, hard read results. This song is dedicated to Jason Mraz’s friend who was diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago. The chorus, ‘If you’ve got the poison / I’ve got the remedy / The remedy is the experience / It is a dangerous liaison / I say the comedy is that its serious / Which is a strange enough new play on words / I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on / So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end / I won’t worry my life away / I won’t worry my life away,’ really gets to me and explains that you shouldn't worry your life away and live it to the fullest no matter the results and outcome. When it says, ‘If you’ve got the poison / I’ve got the remedy,’ it doesn’t specifically say who has the remedy, but for me, it means that everyone who is supporting me and helping me through this, though overall, God has the remedy.

No. 6 – Ronan by Taylor Swift

This song is about a little boy, 3 years old, who ends up getting cancer, but dies in the end. I added this playlist because it’s how a mother feels about her son having cancer and how she feels after he passes away and how the mother remembers all these things and how she wants to take him away and she knows that she couldn’t save him, and she realizes that there isn’t a miracle that could have saved him, but the miracle was the fact that she got to spend time with him for just a brief moment in time.

 

No. 7 – Cancer by My Chemical Romance

This song, instead of being a hope and desire, is the exact opposite. It’s a prayer and hope of what I won’t become. The lyrics, ‘Now turn away / Cause I'm awful just to see / Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body.’ It’s something that I am striving to not become. I am so terrified of all of the horrible effects of chemotherapy, only because I don’t want to see the hurt in all my family, friends and everyone else’s eyes.

No. 8 – I’m Gonna Love You through It by Martina McBride

This song is the beginnings of what I am beginning to see my boyfriend act like because of my cancer. I see him trying to take the burden away from me and keep me positive and distracted enough to make it through all of this, and not letting me do this alone. ‘He said, "I know that you’re afraid and I am, too / But you’ll never be alone, I promise you" / When you’re weak, I’ll be strong / When you let go, I’ll hold on / When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes / When you feel lost and scared to death, / Like you can’t take one more step / Just take my hand, together we can do it / I’m gonna love you through it.’ This portion of the song describes exactly his demeanor, actions and words he says to me when bad things happen. I am so thankful that God brought him into my life.

No. 9 – Skin by Rascal Flatts

This song is about a high school girl that gets leukemia, goes through chemo, loses her hair, and doesn’t think of going to prom or finding her true love, but she ends up getting a wig, going to the prom, and seeing the boy that she loves, shave his head for her. This song relates to me, because she is young, just as I am.

No. 10 – Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw

This song, since I was little, I have always sung and never really realized that it was about cancer. I knew it was about a man that was sick, but I didn’t know specifically about cancer.  I have always wanted to perfect the song and it makes me want to do everything that I want and live my life to the fullest, because God has blessed me and made me able to do those things.